Friday, March 11, 2016

Trust and Believe


Psalm 30:5
For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime; weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.

March is the time when I find myself reevaluating the state of my soul.  God takes my birthday at the first of the month and glorifies it with celebration.  How ecstatic and grand!

But from then on, it's the skids.

My beloved father, Bill, passes on March 19th, 2014; my former, and dearly treasured husband, John, dies unexpectedly on March 23rd, 1997.

I resign my teaching position mid-March, 2010, due to an escalating and virulent crescendo of bullying, lies and deceit.

So many brokenhearted moments.

April is not the cruelest month.

It is March.

I am in a funk where I don't want to be, a starless, moonless night where my soul does not belong.  I'm praying to be released, yet wonder, will I be?  I'm praying for understanding of the tears poised to fall at the least provocation, but do I glean, in these overwhelmingly emotional moments, where God is leading me in all this?

Am I truly opening my heart to His?

My soul to Him?

I do not know nor understand why the Lord has chosen this one month to heap upon me many scorching and flaming coals of sorrow and regret.  He has His reasons, and it's not for me to doubt.

It is for me to trust and believe.

Even when I consume an entire box of Kleenex in my effort to comprehend and to accept the heart-wrenching scenarios reeling before my eyes like a grainy, flickering black and white movie.

It is for me to trust and believe.

And to know, that at times, the wisest, most soothing thing I can do is crawl up into my Father's lap and cry.  Let the floodgates loose, knowing He can and will wipe away every tear I shed.

Trusting and believing He will bring me out of the dark night of the soul into the bright dawn of a glorious and joyful day.

~

Are you trusting in God?  Believing in His promises?

Prayer:  Father, let us always trust in You and believe in Your promises even when the world around us is falling apart, and our very souls are aching.  In times of grief, let us run to You for comfort and peace, assured that You will work everything for good for those who trust and believe in You.  In Jesus' name, we pray.  Amen.




16 comments:

  1. I feel your pain and I've experienced it too...it is true the night is long and difficult and sometimes all we can do is cry...one thing I've found, it draws me nearer to my father God...and in his presence over time...I am comforted and enlightened by his holy grace and everlasting love...and I can live again...God bless you my sister...let Jesus carry the cross for you, until he resurrects new life within...<3

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    1. Thank you, Marla, for visiting with me today and for sharing your own experiences with the "dark night of the soul." And yes, I agree, that when we cry and feel so vulnerable, that is when God can comfort us the most. So I guess we should welcome those grieving moments as opportunities to snuggle in His arms.
      Love and blessings!

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  2. wow, I didn't know you had that happen. It is good to share our stories so we can pray for others and also understand their walk. Thank you.

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    1. Yes, Sharon, I used to be hesitant to share personal stories, but God has shown me that it can be powerful and clarifying in others' faith walks. Thank you for your prayers and understanding!
      Love and blessings!

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  3. Martha, My heart goes out to you--March is a month full of traumatic events, memories for you. Those "dark night of the soul" times aren't easy and seem to never end. Remember, all your tears are collected in a bottle. God sees, knows, and cares. I have no words of wisdom to share; I care though, prayers for you to feel God's presence during this difficult month.

    Love and blessings!

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    1. Know your prayers are felt deeply, Kim. I wrote this while in the proverbial funk of funks, yet since penning the words, I've seen the light resuming in my life. I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that these confessions and needs for prayer are what we, as Christians, are all about. His presence is returning through the likes of you, dear friend, and your prayers.
      Love and blessings!

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  4. wow Martha, March is a difficult time for you. Tumult like the weather can be. ever changing, unpredictable. I have always liked March - I don't have your rough history associated with it - my birthday is also in March and once to this month, I know spring is almost here. I find hope in this month. I love your image of crawling into the Father's lap and crying. Yes yes and he welcomes us too. Thinking of you. Praying for you!

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    1. Jean, what a wonder I find in our sharing a March birthday! I should just go figure, or I should just let go and let God.
      For years, I loved the entire month of March. I still don't understand why the Father placed so much loss here, unless it was for me to claim that place in His lap, the place reserved only for the undeserving me. The place where I can understand His grace and timing in my life.
      Trusting and growing!
      Love and blessings to you!

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  5. Hugs Martha! I have learnt in the recent bad phases that it is never about the date or the month but it is always about us who try to find a connect to them like this.

    However I can really understand how painful it can be thinking about those painful memories, for I have them associated with years.

    Sending healing hugs to you and loads of prayers <3

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    1. Yes, Privy, I do think we try too hard, sometimes, to see those connections because we crave reasons as to why things happen. We'll never see it clearly in this life, but all things will make sense when we finally see with heavenly eyes.
      Thank you so much for the hugs and prayers!
      Love and blessings!

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  6. Hi Martha! Oh my goodness, I feel so badly for you. March is a really rough month for you! I'm just glad you have your birthday to celebrate at the beginning. That helps...
    Please know that my prayers for you circle around and give you a hug in those low times. Painful times are difficult, especially in a cluster! I can only hope that each year it gets a little easier? I know your loved ones are looking down on you with love. They are at peace, and hopefully, some day, you will be too.
    Hugs, hugs, hugs,
    Ceil

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    1. Oh, Ceil, thank you for your prayers! When I start to feel down, I'll remember that you and so many dear friends hold me in their hearts. What encouragement that is!
      With time, yes, things do get easier, but there are always those moments - they can be triggered by hearing a sad song, running across a photograph, or reading about someone else's struggle with loss. I've decided to just let the tears fall when I have to and lean even closer into God.
      Love and blessings!

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  7. march is on the whole a bad month for you. I don't negate that at all. But this year, March becomes a really really good month because in spite of your pain...look what we celebrate!! God has carried you through the ugly valleys of March to bring you the height of your faith this year. (Plus it sounds like you married a super guy). I pray for joy in the mourning, or is that morning, for you. :) Thanks for opening up your heart.

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    1. Bill, I have thought that exact thing - March may be tough, but it is also the time we can celebrate the glory of Easter and Christ's resurrection. How can I not rejoice in that? Yes, looking forward to Easter has gone a long way in cheering me up!
      And yes, I did marry a super guy! :)
      Thank you for your prayers, too. They mean so very much, my friend!
      Love and blessings!

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  8. Martha Jane ...I too lost my Father and my Husband in the same month...not March but January. Every January I get visited by memories and coincidences that remind me God is with us, the living and those sleeping in what we call death. 1 Thessalonians 4:13-14. Until this passage truly sunk in...I felt abandoned by these two men who I loved so much. Knowing that they are still loving me, that they are merely sleeping and not up and around talking and walking with me in this present moment has given me a new perspective. It has given me the space to think about what it means to be eternal people created in God's own image and likeness. Like people, God rests and sleeps and gets prepared for the next day and all of us Christians should be singing our Alleluia's because scripture has revealed and is revealing what others have long experienced...people are created in God's own image and eternal likeness. So we need not cry and grieve when loved ones take a nap...they'll meet up with us again. At first we might not recognize them...but then as so often happens...they'll say or do something or there will be an unexplained coincidence and we'll know...an ancient love has brought us back together again.

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