Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.
It is 4:30 in the morning. I wake with the immediate realization I must get up and get moving. Today is the day when my husband, Danny, is scheduled to have his defibrillator replaced as the batteries in his old one are in serious decline. Although we don't need to be at the hospital until 7:30, Atlanta interstate traffic demands an early departure in case we run into accidents or other unforeseen tie-ups along the way.
The drive down I-75 is crowded, but moving. It is dark and misting, causing brake lights and headlights to blur and dance erratically before my eyes. This, along with the worry I feel regarding Danny's impending surgery, makes me queasy. I find myself wishing we were not in this place and time, wishing we didn't have to face these moments of uncertainty.
Then, I hear it. A snippet from one of the praise songs we have recently learned for contemporary service. I will trust you . . .
A whisper, a heartbeat. I will trust you . . .
A promise, a prayer. I will trust you . . .
And for the life of me, I cannot recall from which song these lyrics come, these words which now resound in my soul. Yet resound, they do. And every time they swirl up into my conscious thought, I feel God's peace surrounding me. Surrounding us.
I am calmed.
Danny seems to be, too. Handling traffic like a pro. Not a drop of water or coffee in his system, yet sailing smoothly into the unknown.
I will trust you . . .
Pastor Wallace arrives to pray with us before Danny's surgery, and then stays with me for the duration. We never run out of topics to discuss, and I a blessed by his dedicated presence which calms me even further and assures me: I will trust. I can trust!
Not an hour has passed before the surgeon, Dr. S., enters the waiting area, a broad smile on his face, and motions us to accompany him to the recovery room. "Everything went great," Dr. S. assures us. "Danny is still a bit groggy, but you can talk to him. It will help him come around quicker."
There are no words for the relief that washes over me the moment I see Danny! Pastor Wallace and I tell him, honestly, how great he looks (even though we can tell it's a struggle for him to stay awake), and Wallace teases him, "Doc says he has two remote controls, one for me and one for Martha. You'll be behaving yourself from now on!"
Danny manages a smile and a chuckle at this quip. Before he departs, Pastor Wallace prays with us once again, thanking God for His mercies today and for Danny's continued healing. Three hours later, Danny and I are home, so thankful to have this ordeal behind us.
Through the day, however, as much as I will trust you runs in a comforting loop in my thoughts, the song from whence it came has yet to surface. In my heart, I know it doesn't matter as these were the only words I needed to hear today, yet my mind isn't willing to let it rest. I sit on our deck, breathing the chilly air gratefully, and I close my eyes. I listen . . .
Lord, whatever comes my way, I will trust you . . . More of the song! Which song?
From beginning to the end, I will trust you . . .
I jump up and dash indoors. "Danny! I remembered some more!" I share the lyrics I recall, and grab for my hefty church music book. Frantically, I begin flipping through the alphabetically arranged pages. Scanning them hastily. I haven't gotten past the "D" section when Danny, after a successful Google search, announces, "Sovereign! It's Sovereign."
Thrilled at his answer, I shove my hand into the place in the giant tome where I think the "S" songs should be.
And. I. Turn. Right. To. It.
Tears of joy spill over. God met me today in my time of uncertainty. And although I'm ecstatically grateful to finally read all the words in the song, I know in my heart God gave me the only ones that mattered in the moment. That matter always.
I will trust you . . .
Are you trusting in the Lord, and leaning not upon your own understanding?
Prayer: Father, may we learn to always lean on You and submit to Your will, knowing You will make straight our paths and provide us with Your comfort and grace. Let us always give thanks and praise to You, no matter what circumstances we may be in, and listen for Your still, small voice which ever whispers the words we need to hear. In Jesus' name, we pray. Amen.
You can listen to the song, Sovereign, here.